It is not long now, it has been over a week since my last round of Chemo and my hair is slowly making a comeback. You can call me Fuzzy 😉 I have two more days of radiation with my last day being on Saint Patrick’s day. I think I might wear some green. The side effects of radiation started out pretty rough, but I think we finally figured out the right combo of meds to help me tolerate the pain.
During my weeks of silence I was struggling both physically and emotionally; and honestly being able to pour out my doubt, frustration, disappointment, anxiety, and fears to the Lord. Let me tell you it is good to cry, physically just let go and allow your heavenly Father to do what He does best and be held in His embrace. By no means am I done having these raw feelings or will I ever be done, but I know who can handle them. This brokenness has opened my eyes to see how I can be praying for the lost and the suffering. My prayer going into this storm was that God would bring home those who have walked away from Jesus, this remains my prayer daily and I am committing the rest of my life to see that prayer answered and see many come home to feel the same embrace I felt from Yeshua.
There have been so many amazing people who have blessed Sarah and I during this time. We have received more generously than we had ever expected through prayers, meals, finances, gift cards, visits, means of transportation, phone calls, letters, kid drawings, books about fighting cancer, books about prayer, audio books Sarah does not have to read to me ;), boxes of groceries delivered from across the country, boxes of some of my favorite movies to help pass the worst of times, time spent with me online gaming when I couldn’t leave my apartment for weeks , countless Youtube videos that made me laugh, the love and support of a massive community of family, friends, and church, knitted hats, juicing recipes, purple mangosteen, care packages, a wig from grandma :), music suggestions, kitten toys, valentine cards, and many types of health supplements, 20 lbs of protein powder…
These are just things but the love behind them literally has brought me to tears and I cannot find the words to thank everyone who has done these amazing things for my family.
I have been thinking about how in Acts 4:33b-34a we see “And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them.” Though I never thought cancer at 28 would put me in such a place of need, I have seen God’s grace just like that of those who first believed in Yeshua.
Monday is the day I will literally ring a victory bell at the radiology department of Mount Zion Medical Center. I will never forget the army who stood with me through this nightmare and I share that victory with all of you.
P.S. After Monday I have a six week recovery process after which I will have the final PET scan to see how reduced the cancer is. The hope is that all the cancer cells have been destroyed and my body will begin the healing process by building scar tissue around the tumor. I will be required to have scans periodically to see if any new growth occurs, in which case the battle is not over and my doctors will build a new strategy. My job from here on out is to take good care of my body. Eating what is right and exercising regularly to give my body an advantage and keeping these deadly cells from ever showing their ugly faces again. If this is not part of your lifestyle already I highly suggest you consider making some changes now. I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy and I certainly don’t ever want to have to see my friends and family go through this horror.