Lost at Sea

–   As I was watching the chemo drip through the IV, I began to feel like I was stranded at sea.  Literally feeling sea-sick and emotionally feeling both lost and abandoned.  Sarah sat next to me but I was still under attack spiritually as thoughts of loneliness crept into my heart and covered it with a mist that took away my peace.  All this time leading to this temptation I felt God’s warmth but it was drifting away and being replaced with a heavy fear.  I was thinking about death and though I hid these feelings, something else- a lie- was also being whispered into my heart.

Guilt– So many people have given to help me and Sarah during this time.  Many have also cooked meals, brought soup, and given sacrificially.  I have received over 100 messages of people praying for me continually, and fasting and spending time with God on my behalf.  Many have taken time to research alternative medical options and even offered to send me to facilities that would help me.  All this to say the enemy has a way of taking blessings and warping them into thoughts and feelings that draw us away from God’s love.  He whispers thoughts like, ‘you haven’t earned this,’ ‘you’re just wasting everyone’s time,’ ‘Don’t let your cancer become everyone’s problem,’ and ‘Just take care of yourself; don’t ask for help.’

Shame– To my human ears these words resonated and I felt guilty that my wife has to take care of me.  That many of our plans have to change because of me.  I am costing everyone so much money and I truly do not deserve this kind of grace.

Redemption – This week has been a big process and like Christian and Hopeful from Pilgrim’s Progress I was trapped in the Giant Despair’s dungeon in Doubting Castle.  The giant wants them to commit suicide, but they endure the ordeal until Christian realizes that a key he has, called Promise, will open all the doors and gates of Doubting Castle. Using the key, they escape.  The key for me came soon after I confessed my thoughts and feelings to Sarah.  She had to remind me of the promises of God and that we have already been redeemed.

(Click this link to see specific scene from Pilgrim’s Progress or watch the whole film below)

Reconciliation– Both Sarah and I agreed that we need to spend more time with God reading from scripture and seeking His heart.  We decided that during the church message we couldn’t just listen and remember what was said, but we both needed to write down our thoughts and engage.  So many times before we had come out of church feeling great but not being able to remember exactly why we felt that way.  I am so glad I wrote down what was happening in my heart during the message because now I can turn back and reflect on it.  This Sunday a guest pastor spoke at our church about several points from 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 which speaks about the old becoming new, being an ambassador for Christ, and reconciliation.  The message provoked several important questions to ask myself like, what am I willing to give up for the sake of my new life in Christ?  Would I be able to wash the feet of my enemies?  A wall in my heart broke down as I realized what it means to have been reconciled with God.  With the falling of this wall came down all the guilt and shame that had been seeded in my heart and I felt God’s spirit heal my heart.

Another great blessing that God has shown me is that the reconciliation God has done in my heart is God’s greatest desire for all people.  We don’t need to do anything to ourselves to reconcile to God.  You can’t make yourself good enough to approach God, or bad enough to be unapproachable to God.  Satan wants you to believe in yourself and when you fail from one of his many temptations he will trap you in despair.  The truth is that the only one who can ever save us,  the only one who has died on our behalf, the only one who can transform the human heart and reconcile us to God is the one by whom all things were created.  Jesus the Jewish Messiah is who we hope in and the desire of His heart is to be reconciled to us.

It is my joy and privilege while I am here on earth suffering in a fallen world to implore you on behalf of Jesus to be reconciled to God and allow Jesus to the surgery that no earthly doctor can perform and give you a new heart.  Pick up a Bible and read one of the Gospels (accounts of Jesus),  and if you think Jesus is not for you please just humor the guy with stage IIIB cancer and read just one.  If you are not sure what God looks like, sounds like, or what God is, don’t be afraid to honestly ask Him to reveal who He is.  I am telling you from pure experience that you will not regret finding out.

It is my prayer that those who are trapped like I was in any kind of despair whether it be a physical vice, an existential wandering, a worldly identity,  or just a lie being whispered by the enemy-  that you would take hold of the promises of our Creator and be free and healed in Jesus’ name.

Be Blessed
Sean Trank


About Sean Trank

My name is Sean Trank. I aspire to help those who want to succeed. I am a promoter of many things and I love making good ideas known. I also have a unique sense of humor that has been honed and shaped from having a Jewish Christian background...or maybe it is because my childhood house had lead-based paint. Ok so please explore this website .

14 responses »

  1. Michael says:

    Wow, praise God for this powerful post. Lean into Him, He is the Truth and He is using you in this 🙂 And people are being blessed by being allowed by our good Lord to serve you.

  2. Sean, you are “A Serious Man” with the real answer. 🙂

  3. Jill says:

    Sean. Although I have never met you in person I am so moved by your sharing Yeshua (Jesus) and your illness with the world. I feel like I am on this journey with you and so look forward to your posts although some of them are bittersweet. May the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob bring you healing strength comfort and love. God bless you.

  4. Amy Kossover says:

    Sean, you are an inspiration! So thankful to God for knowing you.

  5. Linda Storm says:

    What a powerful piece! Thank you for being honest..that is a good thing. We can all benefit from your journey, although I am so sorry you are having to walk this. I will pray that you will continue to be perceptive about the enemy’s lies and attacks. Sometimes it really is harder to receive than to give…this is your season for receiving, but in writing things like this you are giving back!

  6. Dan Jones says:

    Sean- God is truly using you in this valley.

  7. Adrienne D. says:

    No, you haven’t earned the outpouring of love, prayers, and help which has been offered. But neither did you earn God’s love, grace, mercy or salvation. We are called to *receive* what God wants to bless us with. You have been given an “extra credit” assignment because God has asked you to receive much while being able to give little or nothing. This is a lesson we all need to learn for there is nothing we are required to (or can) give back to God in return for all He gives us. We–even those who don’t know you–want to share the burden of your sufferings and give to you what God has placed on our hearts to give. We are part of one body. We are commanded to look out for the interests of others and share that which God has blessed us with. I believe God’s heart is pleased every time you receive what is freely offered to you. I bless you with knowing in your innermost being that you are free from the law of sin and death and by God’s grace you can receive his love in all forms and reject all condemnation for you are in Yeshua HaMoshiach. Hallelujah!

  8. Brenda says:

    Sean, a friend of mine posted this on their facebook wall, and the title caught my attention. While I’m not battling a physical ailment, I am struggling emotionally and spiritually. My husband walked out on me 3 months ago. In the past three months, God’s people have poured out their love and care–allowing me to stay at their houses when I didn’t feel like I could stay alone, volunteering their time to shovel my driveway and my roof, taking care of my house when I went on a much-needed vacation to visit my parents, and letting me talk and cry without condemning me. Yet, I often feel unworthy of these loving gestures. After all, my husband left me, so doesn’t that mean I’m unworthy of anyone’s love? That and other lies are very prevalent. Thank you for reminding me of the Truth.

  9. Karol Joseph says:

    You are truly loved, appreciated, and well prayed for, Sean. Thanks for being so open and honest, and for who you are in Jesus.

  10. I have repeatedly seen God intervene in my life in ways I cannot deny. This gives me hope when I pray for you, Sean, that God will bring you through this most unwelcome of birthday presents. Just know that I continue to pray for you, especially as I climb a mountain near my home for exercise three times a week. As I go up, my prayers go higher. And for you, may the blessings come down.

  11. Laurie Calkins says:

    I don’t know you personally Sean, but I love you as my brother in Christ. Don’t listen to lies from the devil. You do deserve all the good things people have blessed you with. God loves you so much and he knows your heart. Yes we are sinners, but God still loves us if we repent and follow Him with all our hearts. I know you don’t have any children yet, but that was when I kind of got an idea of how much God loves us. (Besides of course His dying for us). I know how much I love my children. And to think that God loves them more than I do. That seems impossible. But nothing is impossible with God! Thank you for being brave enough to share with all of us. You really have no idea how many people you are ministering to. Keep fighting the good fight. Praying for you always, Laurie.

  12. martha J says:


  13. SM Greer says:

    Amazing stuff Sean! Be strong, lean on those that you need to.

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