I admit, the news of my condition almost got the best of me this past weekend. Such incredibly bad news left me winded and seeing no way out. I was instantly depressed because it felt like the peace that was in my heart was torn from it. Yesterday, I felt like I was the walking dead and at church I found myself avoiding eye contact and interaction. Still God was doing something to save me from these dark feelings.
As we were walking to church Sarah and I began to run into several people. First, across the street from our apartment we ran into a man who rides the bus with his daughter every morning with Sarah. The interaction was a quick greeting and we moved on. A block later, someone yelled “hey Sarah!” as a well-dressed man came out of his apartment greeting us. He was a Christian that Sarah had met at a coffee shop while she was reading her bible a while back. After greeting him we moved on and I thought, ok who is next 😉
We walked onto Market Street and immediately recognized the guy talking to himself on the corner. Sarah called out “Cory?” He looked up happy to see us and asked us to remind him where we had met. Last week as we had left the radiology clinic after my MRI Cory was passing out pamphlets for psychic readings. Normally, I would ignore people doing this but something compelled me to turn to him and plainly ask him if he knew Jesus. Cory told us he used to be really close to Jesus but had fallen into a life of drugs. So I asked him if he wanted to come to church with us and he said maybe. I gave him the address and we went our way.
So imagine our surprise that he is here on the street corner while we are heading to church. Cory had gotten drunk/high on heroine the night before and apparently went on a shopping spree as he had all brand new clothes on. He told us he was having hard times and was looking for a rehab program. I asked for his number so we could stay in touch and we asked him if we could pray for him. So we prayed. Cory did not come to church with us this time but maybe next time. During all of these appointments God was taking my mind off of my own troubles and giving me ways to love others through simply greeting them on the street or praying for them.
When I arrived at church Dave Lomas, one of my pastors, had decided to be an usher with the other greeters and I almost snuck past thinking I could avoid the emotional roller-coaster but Dave caught me and pulled me and Sarah aside and just embraced me. It is strange how an embrace can affect a person, but all at one I knew I was loved and God was making it know that I have a church family that is taking care of me and Sarah.
Since getting the news of stage IIIB lung cancer and the 13 week process of treatment I have been praying constantly for peace which feels so far away. My body has been reacting physically from the stress, felt in tight jaws, knotted up shoulders, and trouble sleeping. I also need to shift my diet again to gain weight in preparation for treatment. Juicing is not getting me enough calories and now I am at my post Massah weight (141lb).
Aaron helped me strategize some nutritional plans and we went to the Asian grocery store on got the best deal ever on produce and then Aaron cooked a fantastic four dish meal, if you want the recipe you can ask him and I am sure he can post it later.
All of the events of yesterday really helped pull me back into battle mode and now I am ready to face this head on. I am still praying for peace from God and I would love it if you would comment what scriptures have helped you or that the Lord is putting on your heart that I should hear.